The Raw Truth: Why I’m Choosing to Do the Hard Things 🧘♀️
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Dear Family, Last week, we stepped into the "Hazmat Cleanup" with Laurel Exner—the brutal reality of scrubbing the walls of a life while our own hearts are still under the debris. We talked about "dropping the stone" of shame. But once the physical mess is cleared, how do we handle the internal "noise" that keeps us from connecting with the child right in front of us? What do we do when our own survival instincts—our "avoidance" strategies—become the very thing blocking our healing? I recently sat down with Johnzelle Anderson, a therapist and trauma expert who specializes in the "Internal Audit" of grief. Johnzelle helped me realize that being an Invisible CEO isn’t just about managing the household; it’s about managing our own emotional "hardware." We discussed why avoidance is the greatest barrier to healing and how we can’t lead a sanctuary if we are running from our own reflection. The Raw Truth: The Path of Resistance I’ll be honest with you: I’ve spent a lot of time "doing" so I wouldn't have to "feel." For the longest time, I thought if I just organized the files, kept the laundry moving, and managed the 401(k) drain with a steady hand, I was winning. I treated my grief like a line item on a spreadsheet—something to be managed, reconciled, and moved past.
But Johnzelle caught me in a moment of truth during our recording. He reminded me that avoidance is a predator. It’s a quiet one, wearing the mask of "productivity." When we avoid the "mad," the "sad," or even the simple act of stretching on the yoga mat (which I still working on finding a way not to hate every single morning), we aren't actually protecting our hearts. We are just staying stuck in the same loop.
Lately, this path of resistance is forcing me to do the one thing I’ve fought against for years: slowing down. I’m forcing myself to take the time to breathe, even when it feels like a waste of "working" hours. I’m realizing that I need that space to actually cope with the difficult things I’ve pushed into the corners of my mind—the things I really don’t want to deal with. My granddaughter's neurotic behavior issues, my grandson’s night terrors and my own bone-deep exhaustion aren't just "problems to solve" or glitches in the schedule. They are signals.
If I am going to be the leader these children need, I have to stop running from the hard emotions. I have to be brave enough to sit in the stillness, put down the "fix-it" kit, and ask: “What is this pain trying to tell me?” I’m learning that the "Path of Resistance"—the act of being still when everything in me wants to run—is usually the only way to the Sanctuary. It’s not about how much I can get done today; it's about whether I have the courage to feel what’s happening in the room.
Inside the Project: Episode 114 This Week’s Guest: Johnzelle Anderson | The Avoidance Audit: Healing the Connection with Ourselves In this episode, we tackle the "Mental Motherboard." Johnzelle explains why we often use "busyness" as a shield against grief and why that shield eventually becomes a wall between us and our grandchildren. We discuss the biological impact of chronic stress and why the "Invisible CEO" feels like a failure when she can't "will" herself out of exhaustion. Hint: It’s not a character flaw; it’s a hardware response. [🎧 LISTEN TO EPISODE #114: Johnzelle Anderson] The Reflection RoomJohnzelle challenged us to look at our "Avoidance Tactics." Ask yourself today: What am I staying "busy" to avoid feeling? A CEO who ignores the warning lights on the dashboard eventually faces a total system failure. Are you leading through distraction, or are you willing to sit in the quiet long enough to hear what your soul—and your family—actually needs? The Toolbox: Tactical Moves
Why your story is the key to our collective future. If you’ve ever felt like you’re navigating the complex world of kinship care completely on your own, I want to share something vital with you today. Stepping up to raise a grandchild often happens in a whirlwind of unexpected custody and emotional trauma. In those early days, weeks, and even years, the systemic lack of structural and financial support can make the journey feel incredibly isolating. But the truth is, your lived reality holds immense power. By sharing your unique experience, you help build a collective voice that cannot be ignored by lawmakers and advocacy groups. That is exactly why I am urging every grandparent in our community to participate in "The Subjective Well-Being of Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Survey." This study is being conducted by Dr. Jill Bryant, a professor of counseling, researcher, and a fellow grandparent raising a grandchild. While past studies have only examined a handful of items considered part of subjective well-being, Dr. Bryant’s study takes the question much further by exploring most areas of subjective well-being found in the literature. Her work provides a crucial, comprehensive map for moving families out of crisis and into long-term stability. I have already filled out the survey myself, and I strongly encourage you to do the same. Taking this survey takes just 10 minutes, and your participation will give our advocates the timely, real-world data they need to help support and further their work in fighting for the funding your family deserves. Please join me in making our voices heard. You are the architect of a new legacy, and your willingness to heal is the blueprint. We are 2.7 million strong. Still nurturing, and still here. See you in the next boardroom, Laura Brazan Founder, The 2.7 Million Project/Host of Grandparents Raising Grandchildren: Nurturing Through Adversity |
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