Dear Family,

Last week, we talked about building the sanctuary with Dr. Dale Atkins—the decision to stop the "sprint" and start being the stationary point, the anchor, for our grandchildren. We talked about "staffing" our mission so we don't burn out. But let’s get practical: once we are sitting in that sanctuary, how do we handle the noise? How do we lead a child who seems to be speaking a language of defiance, outbursts, or total shutdown?

I recently sat down with Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst, a clinical psychologist who specializes in the "Secret Language of Boys" and neurodiversity. Gloria helped me realize that our grandchildren aren't trying to give us a hard time; they are having a hard time. We realized that being the Invisible CEO means becoming a master translator of the motherboard.

The Raw Truth: Retooling the Motherboard

The "Invisible CEO" isn’t the person who yells the loudest; it’s the person who listens the deepest. Decoding a child’s "Internal Motherboard" doesn't mean you’ve lost control; it means you’ve finally gained the intelligence to lead.

Inside the Project: Episode 97

This Week’s Guest: Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst | "The Secret Language of Boys & Neurodiversity"

In this episode, we move from the "where" of caregiving to the "how." Gloria explains that "misbehavior" is almost always a form of communication—a signal from a nervous system that is overloaded. We discuss why traditional "grandparenting" logic often backfires and how to decode the motherboard of a child who is stuck in "survival mode."

[🎧 LISTEN TO EPISODE #97: Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst]

The Reflection Room

Dr. Vanderhorst challenged us to look at "defiance" as a "dialect."

Ask yourself today: When my grandchild screams "No" or retreats into silence, am I taking it as a personal insult to my authority, or am I seeing it as a signal of a system overload?

A CEO doesn't get angry at a computer for crashing; they look for the bug in the software. Are you leading with a hammer, or are you leading with a translation guide?

The Toolbox: Tactical Moves

• The 10-Second Pause: When a "big behavior" happens, count to ten before you speak. This allows your nervous system to stay in the CEO chair so you don't join the child in the "survival basement."
• The Sensory Audit: Gloria mentions that many outbursts are triggered by the environment. Check the lights and the noise. Sometimes, the best leadership move is simply dimming the lights.
• Decode the 'No': Next time you hear a refusal, ask yourself: Is this 'Won't' (Defiance) or 'Can't' (Overwhelmed)? If it’s 'Can't,' the solution is less pressure, not more.

P.S. I’m writing a new chapter this week and I’d love your voice in it. A listener recently told me: "I miss my alone time. That quiet time in the morning and evening." It made me wonder... if you had an extra hour of "found time" tomorrow morning, what is the one thing you’d do just for yourself that you haven’t done in months?

Just hit reply and let me know—I read every single one.

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We are 2.7 million strong. Still nurturing, and still here.

See you in the next boardroom,

Laura Brazan

Founder, The 2.7 Million Project/Host of Grandparents Raising Grandchildren: Nurturing Through Adversity

​https://www.grandparents-raising-grandchildren.org/​